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1. Parental
relationship and children
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Many parents, whether living together or
separated, are having to cope with conflict in their relationships. |
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Parental conflict influences how parents
parent, and how children expect their parents to behave
towards them. |
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The quality of children's lives is heavily
influenced by their parents' relationship - children recognise
this more than parents. |
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7 out of 10 teenagers say that parents getting
on well is "one of the most important factors in raising
happy children" - yet only a third of parents thought
so. (Source: NFPI survey (2000) of 11 - 16 year old pupils:
2,343 pupils from 115 schools took part). |
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Children respond to parental conflict in
different ways: even siblings in the same family may react
differently. |
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2. Understanding
parental conflict
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Conflict is a normal and necessary part
of life and learning to live with others. |
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Irritations, disappointments and anger are
an everyday part of living in relationships, but some
of us find this harder to accept than others. |
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Personality, upbringing and past experience
shape our attitude to and tolerance of conflict. |
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Current stresses also affect the way we
relate to others, particularly our partners. |
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The impact of relationship distress may
be detrimental to parents' well-being. |
3. Parental
interaction
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The quality of the relationship matters
most - more than the skills to communicate and resolve
conflict alone. |
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It is the loss of positive emotional interactions
rather than the emergence of negativity that is linked
with loss of satisfaction in the relationship. |
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Support, affection, humour, warmth and interest
in each other increase relationship satisfaction and help
to offset the negative fallout from conflict. |
4. Lessening
the impact on children
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When children feel loved and are shown affection,
most will cope and thrive. |
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Other family members or friends can give
support and increase the children's understanding of what
is going on. |
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Children can benefit and learn from seeing
conflict well handled. |
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How conflict is resolved is the key: children
need to be aware of when and how this has happened. |
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Parental conflict may be especially harmful
to children if they believe they are to blame. |
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